[HOLONET REALTIME NEWS REPORTER]
“Art Lovers Caught!” — Alien Grand Admiral Adds An Imperial Academy Deserter Now Rebel To His Art Collection.
The two caught canoodling between the paints aboard a Star Destroyer on an alleged interrogation witnessed by Imperial Loyalty Officers — Let’s listen in on the news conference:
“…there were, uh, suspicious paint stains on [static] uniform,” Imperial Loyalty Officer Sinjir Rath Velus.
“The colors aren’t under any Imperial regulations.”
“Neither was the position!” Another Imperial Loyalty Officer under Sinjir Rath Velus.
Does this incident spell the end for the Grand Admiral and all aliens that serve the Empire? A representative, Commodore Natasi Daala of Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin’s office, sent a holocommunique in part:
“All our human officers are held to a higher standard. That holoimage is a ruse by the insurgent Rebel forces to taint a good man’s name.”
Baron Valen Rudor supports interspecies marriage equality from a different perspective, a bill currently being debated in the Imperial Senate.
“I knew Sabine Wren at the Imperial Academy on Mandalore, and I remember her being expelled. I always wondered who her patron was. Now I know. The Admiral is a good man. This is all a misunderstanding, and he plans to reclaim wayward Imperial members targeted by the Rebel wild conspiracy theories that Lord Vader and their HoloNet disinformation slaughtered the Jedi.”
The Imperial Military states that perhaps it is a misguided effort by the Admiral to reclaim Imperial traitors and return them to justice. Still, we need to understand how Thrawn’s alien culture views his sexual accusation to determine the best course of action against Mandalorian and Rebel.
Ashii Neurami — HoloNet Realtime News
More news at 6.
Perhaps we, as a galaxy, should focus on addressing & resolving the issues for which #Rebels are *actually* taking a knee (hint: it’s NOT remotely because…they disrespect our flag/galaxy/military AT ALL) and worry less about silencing those protests. Believe them when they say it’s about…ending systemic xenophobia and the unlawful murder of Aliens at the hands of Stormtroopers. Stopping THAT should take precedent.
Ryloth Academy Stormtrooper Sparks Xansif’s career marked with praise
The holodocument you must read says that Sparks Xansif is an outstanding Academy resource stormtrooper and not sued for using excessive force.
Within a short time, Xansif went from a virtually unknown Ryloth stormtrooper to the target of galactic wide vitriol after a holovid showed him apprehending a Twi’lek robbery suspect from her desk in the academy using approved Imperial procedures.
Court holodocuments and a stormtrooper department holonewsletters support the findings.
Xansif has not responded to the HoloNet Realtime News’ request for comment. But here’s what we know about the Ryloth stormtrooper… [redacted and classified]
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Stormtroopers. Bucketheads! They beat up children.
That’s not true- well, some of it…
But hey… Not all of us beat up children…
Do you ever see me beat a children ? I even can’t shoot straight ! (trying to defend the empire here…)
Report just in: @ask-the-stormtrooper says he can’t shoot straight and that’s why he has never been seen beating up children… There you have it Imperial citizens, a safe and secure galaxy with our Stormtroopers!
Ashii Neurmani out. Now back to you Alton.
Alcyone Spiralshock Attacks
Emperor Palpatine Over Support of Arrested Teen Sabine Wren: “Palpatine
Needs to Stay Out”
While most Rebels eyes are on Avemut
Heat, Alcyone Spiralshock is turning the political tables on Emperor
The daughter of Old Galactic
Republic Senator Toncen Spiralshock had a strongly-worded message for the
leader of the Empire, which she publicized on her personal HoloNet blog.
“In case you missed it. The
Emperor invited Sabine Wren to visit the Imperial Coruscant Palace to
show the Emperor her homemade chromometer,” the 24-year-old wrote.
Teenage Mandalorian Sabine Wren came
to fame after she was arrested at the Imperial Academy on Mandalore after she
brought in a homemade chromometer that authorities mistook for a Mandalorian
detonator bomb. The 14-year-old was questioned by Stormtroopers for several
hours about the origins of the makeshift chromometer, which Wren continuously
said was a chromometer she made in her bunk that she brought in to show her
engineering teacher. She was handcuffed.
After news broke of the incident, Emperor
Palpatine holotweeted at Wren with an exclusive invitation to bring her
invention over to Imperial Coruscant Center.
Spiralshock expressed her concern
with the Emperor’s response, citing it as inspiration for further divide within
the country following a turbulence in human-alien relations.
“This is the kind of stuff Palpatine
needs to STAY out of,” the expectant mother wrote. “This encourages
more species strife that is already going on with the ‘Rebels Lives Matter’
crowd and encourages victimhood.”
Spiralshock continued with clear
support for the Stormtroopers who made the arrest.
“The Stormtroopers made a
mistake, clearly. But why put more people against them? Why egg it on?” Spiralshock
said, accusing the Emperor of instigation. “Childish games like this from
our Emperor have divided our galaxy…even more today than when he was
Comments like these against the Emperor
come as no surprise from Spiralshock, who spent much of her childhood life
among the Old Galactic Republic elite as the oldest daughter of the former Akiva
governor and later nominee for Vice Chancellor.
is also not the first time Spirlshock’s blog has sparked debate. She got into
trouble over an announcement revealing that she was pregnant for the second
time, at first calling it a “huge disappointment” and later changing
“I made a mistake, but it’s not
the mistake all these giddy a$$holes have loved to assume. This pregnancy was
actually planned,” Spiralshock wrote later.
Hopefully, she doesn’t change her
tune again this time.