If you haven’t yet had the displeasure of watching that little limp peen’s response to Emperor Palpatine’s Galactic Empire State of the Union, I suggest you take some pink bisthmus or some menstruation meds or whatever you need to do to get through it, because it was pathetic, and it was embarrassing. Oh my Force.
Alcyone Spiralshock Attacks
Emperor Palpatine Over Support of Arrested Teen Sabine Wren: “Palpatine
Needs to Stay Out”
While most Rebels eyes are on Avemut
Heat, Alcyone Spiralshock is turning the political tables on Emperor
The daughter of Old Galactic
Republic Senator Toncen Spiralshock had a strongly-worded message for the
leader of the Empire, which she publicized on her personal HoloNet blog.
“In case you missed it. The
Emperor invited Sabine Wren to visit the Imperial Coruscant Palace to
show the Emperor her homemade chromometer,” the 24-year-old wrote.
Teenage Mandalorian Sabine Wren came
to fame after she was arrested at the Imperial Academy on Mandalore after she
brought in a homemade chromometer that authorities mistook for a Mandalorian
detonator bomb. The 14-year-old was questioned by Stormtroopers for several
hours about the origins of the makeshift chromometer, which Wren continuously
said was a chromometer she made in her bunk that she brought in to show her
engineering teacher. She was handcuffed.
After news broke of the incident, Emperor
Palpatine holotweeted at Wren with an exclusive invitation to bring her
invention over to Imperial Coruscant Center.
Spiralshock expressed her concern
with the Emperor’s response, citing it as inspiration for further divide within
the country following a turbulence in human-alien relations.
“This is the kind of stuff Palpatine
needs to STAY out of,” the expectant mother wrote. “This encourages
more species strife that is already going on with the ‘Rebels Lives Matter’
crowd and encourages victimhood.”
Spiralshock continued with clear
support for the Stormtroopers who made the arrest.
“The Stormtroopers made a
mistake, clearly. But why put more people against them? Why egg it on?” Spiralshock
said, accusing the Emperor of instigation. “Childish games like this from
our Emperor have divided our galaxy…even more today than when he was
Comments like these against the Emperor
come as no surprise from Spiralshock, who spent much of her childhood life
among the Old Galactic Republic elite as the oldest daughter of the former Akiva
governor and later nominee for Vice Chancellor.
is also not the first time Spirlshock’s blog has sparked debate. She got into
trouble over an announcement revealing that she was pregnant for the second
time, at first calling it a “huge disappointment” and later changing
“I made a mistake, but it’s not
the mistake all these giddy a$$holes have loved to assume. This pregnancy was
actually planned,” Spiralshock wrote later.
Hopefully, she doesn’t change her
tune again this time.
CORUSCANT – Today, Emperor Palpatine announced that Representative
Thrawn will lead United Against Combat Beasts (UACB) as Chairman. Representative
Thrawn will play a key leadership role throughout UACB’s efforts to educate and
inform the Imperial citizens regarding the serious shortcomings of beast welfare used in combat. Particularly that of the Ysalamiri on the planet, Myrkr.
“UACB is honored to have Representative Thrawn, a UACB Advisory Board
member and close confidant to assume a leadership role at this critical time,”
said Emperor Palpatine. “Representative Thrawn’s galactic policies and security
expertise is highly respected and renowned across the galaxy. We could have no
better leader as the Imperial citizens consider this flawed combat beast agreement.”
Representative Thrawn served as the Commander of Chiss Expansionary Defense
Fleet (CEDF) for several years. Upon the commencement of the Empire, he consulted Emperor Palpatine about the Unknown Regions. During his time
in service, Representative Thrawn worked with the Imperial Senate and Imperial
Military in order to protect the security of the Empire and promote Imperial leadership
across the galaxy.
Representative Thrawn stated: “UACB has led the effort to economically
isolate the insurgents that enslave beasts for combat, particularly the Ysalamiri. Our expertise will be highly respected by our superior Imperial compassion and humanness on the proper treatment of
beasts. I am honored to assume this new leadership role
at this important time.”
UACB is a non-profit, non-partisan Imperial education
and advocacy group aimed at preventing beasts used in combat. An outspoken and
tireless advocate for implementation of a robust sanctions against insurgent
organizations, UACB has been at the vanguard of efforts to ensure that any Imperial
agreement with rogue planets is solidly in the Imperial security interests of
the Empire and precludes insurgent’s efforts to develop combat beasts as weapons.