the jedi prince series has:

  • r2-d2 and c-3po getting painted green and going on an undercover mission
  • darth vader’s indestructible right glove that luke chopped off is the star wars universe’s equivalent of excalibur, and whoever holds it becomes the next emperor
  • this is thanks to a prophecy
  • because there’s a group called the “dark prophets” that literally everyone in the empire listens to
  • the empire prefaces everything with “dark”

  • “dark greetings”
  • the rebel alliance builds a fake robo leia who shoots lasers from her eyes
  • jabba’s dad zorba is there, and he has a beard and hair and tastes so bad the sarlacc spit him out

  • one of the main villains is palpatine’s really hot three-eyed son
  • (even c-3po commented on how hot he was)
  • except he’s not actually palpatine’s son
  • palpatine’s real son is another three-eyed dude who’s actually pretty chill
  • they are, creatively, named “trioculus” and “triclops”
  • anyway, fake son 3-eyed guy falls madly in love with Leia and tries to make her queen of the empire
  • but then he gets shot to death at the wedding by robo leia after real leia escapes and leaves robo leia in her place
  • there’s a grand moff who wears incredibly tacky blaster shaped dangly earrings
  • there’s a random underground jedi base on yavin iv where a jedi kid’s been hiding for a decade
  • he’s also palpatine’s grandson
  • (only two eyes though)
  • also han and chewie are really good cooks

and all that’s only some of what goes down

Don’t forget the meeting of the Moffs called the MOFFERENCE

  • they nearly get eaten by giant oysters
  • han solo is only the second best corellian pilot after a dude named snoke
  • “Easy does it,” Han said. “I’m a Corellian, and we Corellians gave up hugging strangers four centuries ago.”
  • i feel it is important to clarify that chewbacca wears an apron while cooking
  • ghost obi-wan appears in a vision to luke to give him his computer password
  • the password is “JE-99-DI-88-FOR-00-CE”
  • han and leia try to elope at space disneyland
  • but jabba’s dad sent bounty hunters to cause trouble because he was mad at how much money lando was making on space disneyland
  • the rebel alliance built a base on dagobah and after yoda croaked they named it MOUNT YODA
  • there’s a planet called chad that is dying from global warming because they have too many space cows who fart too much

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